Ten Ways to Reset on a Bad Day

Some days, I just wake up cranky and unwilling to get out of bed. Maybe the baby was awake multiple times that night. Or maybe my toddler woke up three hours early (my life for the past several days). Or maybe I had bad dreams or just tossed and turned or just didn’t get a good night’s sleep. A lot of the time, the overwhelming reason in my depression. What a lot of people don’t realize is that depression can come with a serious lack of motivation and on those days, I really, really don’t want to do anything.

Now, before I get into the stuff you actually came to this post to read, let me tell you, I’m also preaching to myself here. I am not good at pulling myself out of funk but I am trying to get better at it. I am very self deprecating on these days and I usually don’t want to do anything to make myself feel better – I just want to wallow.

But I’m trying to be better. Why? Because my kids deserve a better mom and my husband deserves a better wife (although they all love me at my worst and I am incredibly grateful for it). But mostly because I deserve to be healthy both in body and mind. And it’s something I have to remind myself of daily.

So, here are some ways to pull yourself up and reset yourself on a bad day. I can’t guarantee they’ll work for everyone (it’s not as easy as it is to reset your devices – just turning it off an on again) but I hope you can start here and find something that works best for you.

1. Go Outside and Go for a Walk

There’s something about fresh air that just so, well, refreshing. The sun, the breeze, the nature(ish) sounds (different if you live in the city or suburbs), and the general change in scenery. Sometimes, when everything is overwhelming me, I just go out the door, stand on the porch and breathe. It doesn’t make everything instantly better and usually about 30 seconds later, I have little hands clinging to my legs again wondering what I’m doing, but it gives me just a little more sanity.

On days when I really can’t take it anymore, I plop the baby in the stroller, put shoes on my toddler, and just walk. Sometimes it’s just around the block and other times it’s around the whole neighborhood several times (I always make sure the second seat is on the stroller in case the toddler gets tired). It helps our bodies so, so much to get our muscles moving, our blood flowing, and our bodies absorbing sunshine (AKA vitamin D). Plus, in the words of Elle Woods:

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t kill their husbands.

Elle Woods, Legally Blonde

I know it’s not always possible (and sometimes feels ridiculously impossible) to get out the door and take a walk. The weather here makes for some pretty inhospitable days. But I still try on the days where if I don’t do something, I’m going to lose it.

2. Take a Feelings Inventory

What’s causing you to feel bad right now? Is it really a bad day or just a bad series of events that doesn’t have to ruin the rest of the day?

Now, on this one, I am the worst offender. I let annoyances and frustrations ruin my day a lot. It usually goes something like this – I had a bad night’s sleep and the kids woke up cranky. Because of that, I haven’t had coffee yet, let alone a glass of water, I haven’t had a chance to eat breakfast and we have an appointment in 30 minutes. Then we leave the house late and traffic is bad and I (inevitably) get cut off by someone who seems to be in way too big of a hurry. When we get there, the baby is crying in her car seat that’s been loaded into the stroller, the toddler is walking slower than molasses, and I forget my mask in the car. Then in the waiting room, they’re both going crazy from boredom and I’m touched out and overwhelmed.

Even if nothing else goes wrong the rest of the day, I write it off as a bad day and usually don’t cheer up until I wake up the next morning. But I’m trying to get better at identifying the root of the problem (in the scenario above – my perfectionism wanting to be five minutes early and being touched out, hungry, and tired) rather than just focusing on what went wrong.

If I do that, I can start to correct and feel a little better. If it means letting the kids fuss for a minute so I can have a glass of water and a quick bite of breakfast, so be it. If it means letting them dump every single toy on the floor so I can have five minutes to myself to make coffee and not be touched, so be it. Messes can be cleaned up later. Taking care of me matters just as much as taking care of my kids.

Find the source of your problem and then start thinking through what it is that has worked in the past to solve that problem. And then work towards it, even if you have to force yourself to do it.

3. Call Someone You Trust and Vent

This one is gold for me. I tend to bottle things up inside until I explode. And it usually only takes one little annoyance to do it. If I can, I go into my room and call my best friend and just let it loose. Fortunately, she understands and, ironically, she’s usually having a bad day too. Plus she almost always seems to have the answers I need to hear. By the time I hang up, I’m much more ready to have a rational conversation and be much less petty and hurtful.

The important thing here is to make sure it’s someone whose not going to spread your gossip. We have an understanding when it comes to these conversations – we can talk about anything, including husbands, kids, circumstances, or what have you, as long as it stays there. Not even our husbands get to know what’s said in those conversations because we believe that it’s not healthy for our marriages or our relationships to take what is only one side of the story and keep spreading it around until it hurts someone else.

4. Put on Makeup and Real Clothes

No, really. Do it. I will be the first to say that I am the biggest culprit of living in old t-shirts and bike shorts, especially since having three c-sections and just nothing fits right anymore. But I always feel so much better about myself when I look in the mirror and see myself put together. Does this mean I’m dressed to the nines? Absolutely not. But I always feel so much better in a pair of jeans (and, let’s be honest, that same t-shirt) than I do in bike shorts or yoga pants.

5. Take a Shower and Do Your Hair

Ever since I developed postpartum depression, I hate taking a shower. It feels like so much exhausting work. And I know that afterwards, there’s many more steps to take to get my hair presentable and keep my skin from drying out. But, you know what, once I turn the hair dryer off and see how much nicer my hair looks, I feel much better.

This one kind of ties in to number four as well. When we take care of ourselves, we feel better, period. I know it’s hard as a mom to put yourself first. Even more so as a loss mom. So often I feel like I have to put every bit of everything I have into my living kids because I am so lucky that they are, well, alive. But that’s not true. I didn’t do anything to earn them so I can’t do anything to keep them. And I am a better mom to them when I take care of myself.

6. Take It One Step at a Time

This is something my husband says to me a lot and, honestly, when he does, I get so mad. How can I do that when I don’t even know what the next step is?

This one ties into identifying the source of the problem. And I know, once you do, it can be overwhelming to try and fix it.

Deep breath. In for 5 seconds. Hold for 5 seconds. Out for 5 seconds. And once that clears your mind, find the next step to keep moving forwards. Even just a small step forwards is still forwards.

7. Write Out a List of Things That Have Gone Right Today

This one is really hard for me because, on bad days, I have such a negative mindset. So this one can really force me to stop and think – what has gone right today?

I got out the door in time for my son’s therapy appointment.

I played with him the waiting room instead of getting annoyed at his wiggles.

My daughter ate in her high chair while I ate lunch (even if she was bribed with a cookie).

I got dressed before going to get the kids up.

I got a full night’s sleep.

Traffic was decent on the way to and from the appointment.

I’ve been able to have undisturbed quiet time today.

Writing these out keeps my mind looking towards the positive and helps stave off the negative thinking.

8. Take Some Time to Clean Up

It doesn’t have to be a full on clean up. But taking 5 minutes to clean off the counters and pick some toys up off the floor can make a world of difference. Big messes make me feel a bit like I’m suffocating, even if I don’t realize it. Getting those things out of sight and out of mind feels like a weight is lifted off of me.

The big one for me is vacuuming and mopping my floors – it makes the space feel so much fresher and helps me breathe a little easier, especially knowing I’ve made my space a little bit safer and cleaner for my kiddos.

9. Drink Water and Stretch

This is something I do not do enough of. If we take care of ourselves physically, we’ll feel better mentally. After all, pain and discomfort makes us cranky.

Did you know your body needs water about every 30 minutes to function correctly? And did you know that you should be drinking at least half your weight in ounces of water every day?

Taking proper care of ourselves is so important to our every day health and I feel like, if nothing else, this is something we can accomplish on a daily basis to make ourselves feel better.

P.S. I like the app Plant Nanny to help track my water intake on a daily basis. I use it on my iPhone so I’m not totally sure if it’s also on Android but I’m sure you could find something similar.

10. Give Yourself Grace

If you’re a perfectionist like me, you have a hard time giving yourself grace. To me, everything has to be perfect – holidays, routines, pictures, my art – or it’s not good at all.

When I was diagnosed with postpartum depression, my therapist told me I needed to start practicing giving myself grace. There was a lot that I didn’t get done and missed out on while under the crushing weight of PPD. And I would often break down and get really frustrated if things didn’t go exactly right. But I am practicing letting go. With kids, things will often be far from perfect. And how blessed am I to have such imperfection in my life? Because in this daily imperfection is the reminder that I am in need of grace. And the reminder that I have been given so much in the gift of my two living children.

We all need to give ourselves grace in this image obsessed world. And I am far from good at giving it to myself. I’m just starting to learn. But I know that by letting go of the need to be perfect (which will never happen) and instead adding in grace when things don’t go exactly right, I will enjoy life much more than I currently am.

Bad days are hard. But they don’t make a bad life.

A harder life, sure. A less ideal life, absolutely. But not a bad life. So breathe mama. Take care of yourself. Give it to God. And don’t let a bad moment ruin your day.

What’s something you do to reset on a bad day? Let me know in the comments below!