Lately

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Dear Friends,

When I took a break from Instagram, we had just gotten some news from our pediatrician that our son would need more tests. It was overwhelming and hard to process. I got home from the appointment and broke down crying.

But I felt I couldn’t share these things. I often feel like I have to have it all together. That I can’t let my own brokenness show while helping you through yours. And that I can’t share my struggles. And that I can’t be myself.

Because of how I was raised, I often feel like no one will like the real me. And that I need to portray the me that others want. This meant showing only the parts of my life that have it all together and have all the “answers” and not showing the part that loses it on my kids, breaks down when I miss my son, doesn’t wear makeup or trendy clothes all the time, is ashamed of what my chronic illness has done to my body, and doesn’t have a perfectly clean and decorated house.

Thankfully, I’ve come to realize that that isn’t true. God is most at work in the broken places. And the broken things often bring Him the most glory.

I’m not going to lie, things have been really hard in the past several years. And, really, my entire life, give or take a few places. But through a book I’ve been reading, God has changed my perspective on all of it. My “why me’s” have turned into “how can I see God in this?”

I’m not perfect but the mindset shift has been so freeing. And I have been shown that I can use my story, all of it, including the messy bits happening now, to bring others to Him.

So I am changing my page or niche, I guess, to just me and my story. My daily life and struggles. These beautiful babies of mine and our daily lives together, even with all the struggle it brings. Judah and his incredible story and life and everything he continues to teach me. The quirky personality I have. My art. My love for yarn and knitting and the way it helps me control my anxiety. Our dog and his antics. Just anything that is me.

I’m letting go of the need for perfection and an aesthetic feed. And my want to please everyone who choses to follow along. I am me, the one God created me to be, and I’m looking forward to what He has in store for me by letting go and letting him use my story.

Thank you for choosing to follow along. I look forward to walking this new path with you.

P.S. Welcome to my brand new website! It’s a bit of a work in progress but I hope you love it!