Why You Shouldn’t Compare Your Hard to Mine

My story tends to intimidate some people. They seem to think that their hard can’t possibly compare to mine.

They haven’t had a miscarriage. They haven’t had to struggle with infertility. They haven’t had to hear that their baby has a fatal diagnosis. They haven’t had to make the impossible choice of when to take their child off life support.

These are only some of my hards. And when others hear my story, they start with something like, “I know this is nothing compared to what you’ve been through…”

Those are the moments I want to stop them, take their hands in mine, look them in the eye and say, “This is still hard. It may not be my hard but it is your hard. And it matters.”

We’re all going to go through different things in life. No one’s life is exactly the same. And the things that are hard for me may not be hard for you. And vice versa. It all just depends on our experiences in life. 

We need to stop comparing our hards. It’s not a competition and it’s really not something that can be compared. Hard is hard. 

Your hard could be struggling to find friends. Or it could be a particularly difficult season with work or your child. It could be strain in your marriage. 

Whatever it is, it’s taking to your body, mind, and soul. And that makes it something you should be getting support for. 

And how do we get support? By telling others what it is we are going through. 

In the world of social media, it’s so easy to only share the good, the aesthetic, the pretty, or the perfectly polished. But I can tell you from experience, people crave what is real. And in telling someone else your hard, you may even make someone else feel less alone in their own hard. 

So stop comparing and start sharing. Even if it’s just with one person. Sometimes, that’s all it takes for the weight to be lifted and to finally feel as if you can breathe again.